Child Arrangements at Christmas – FAQ

Can our current Christmas child arrangements order arrangement be changed?

Yes, you can change child arrangements either by reaching an agreement with the other parent. If that’s not possible, you can discuss it together, attend mediation, communicate through solicitors, or, as a last resort, go to Court.

You should put any agreement in writing to avoid confusion. Agree on the arrangements as far in advance as possible, so your child knows when they will be with each parent.

Consider your child’s wishes and feelings about where they want to spend Christmas, depending on their age. If your child struggles with anxiety or worries about upsetting one parent, a professional should handle this. Use child-inclusive mediation or an early indication.

What if my ex doesn’t stick to the agreed Christmas child arrangements?

This can be particularly tricky. If the other parent doesn’t adhere to the pre-arranged agreements without a valid reason (such as sickness, delayed travel plans, or emergencies), it can cause issues. If this happens on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or Boxing Day, and the other parent refuses to hand over your child without any safeguarding concerns, you will struggle. Enforcing the arrangements will be difficult because the Court is closed.

Avoid Keeping the Child to Make Up for Missed Time

It can be tempting to keep your child and not return them at the agreed time. Once you do see them, you might want to make up the missed time. However, this situation can deeply upset your child. They may feel torn between their parents and stuck in the middle. This can lead to anxiety and make them feel they must choose.

This approach can also backfire. It may cause difficulties with your child not wanting to spend as much time with you. They can sense the impact of you and their other parent not getting along.

Ask the other parent why they aren’t following the agreed plan. If there’s a valid reason, like illness, consider alternatives. Phone or video calls can help you stay in touch with your child. If transport is the issue, try to arrange to collect your child. You can also ask a friend or family member for help. While frustrating, this ensures you still see your child. Avoid being negative toward the other parent, even if you feel they are wrong.

Christmas is often an emotional time, but avoid sending rude messages or shouting at the other parent. This approach won’t help in the long run. The court or other professionals, like solicitors or mediators, might see the messages. They may use them to argue that you are abusive. This could impact your time with your child.

How do the Courts deal with Christmas child contact disputes?

The Court encourages parents to reach an agreement themselves, both for interim and longer-term arrangements, and after 29.04.2024, the Court now has the ability to pause or stop court proceedings while parents attend non-court dispute resolution such as mediation, rather than the court proceedings continuing. However, this remains a voluntary process, and the Court cannot order you to attend, but strongly encourage attendance.

You can find more information on the CAFCASS’ website: My family is involved in private law proceedings | Cafcass.

Ultimately, if you cannot reach a decision yourselves, the Court will list a Final Hearing. Parties, usually parents, will need to provide evidence and answer questions from the other parent during cross-examination. The Court will then decide on the child arrangements.

How to handle Christmas when you don’t have your child?

It can be really hard if you do not have your child at Christmas. That may be because you’ve agreed that your child will spend alternate years with you both, or that for whatever reason, your child spends Christmas Day with the other parent each year, and other time with you.

If you don’t have your children over the festive period, you might want to consider visiting family or friends and spending the day with them. Alternatively, you could spend the time on your own, having a child-free Christmas. Use this opportunity to do activities or something you want to do but usually can’t when you have your child. This way, when you do see them, you can share your Christmas experiences without them feeling sad that you spent the day alone.

How do you make Christmas special when you are separated?

Most parents in this situation plan an alternative Christmas. Santa comes out especially to all the children whose parents don’t live together; where wider family members may come round and have Christmas Day on another day. This may or may not involve turkey, and children enjoy spending time celebrating. It doesn’t matter it isn’t on Christmas Day. Christmas, public holidays and any other religious holidays regardless of the religion are about coming together as a family and spending quality time together.

Managing Christmas child arrangements can be challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. Our Family Law specialists are here to offer expert advice tailored to your situation, whether you’re negotiating with the other parent, considering mediation, or preparing for court. We’re committed to finding solutions that prioritise your child’s well-being during the festive season.

For specialist legal advice on child arrangements, contact us on 01255 320 555 or email mail@clarkeandson.co.uk.